There is an engine in my body, with every beat it lets me breathe

The first thing you should know is that in my barns indoor riding arena there are vertical boards lined up about 2 feet apart. It means that the wall is not flat. So last Friday when I went to my barn I rode this stubborn mare named Ellie because I'm working with her owner on training her and getting her back in shape. When I get on to start walking around she suddenly jumps in the air and slams my left side into the wall. My left knee gets jammed behind one of the boards on the wall and she decides to freak out and bolt which with my knee stuck does not turn out pretty for my leg. I'm surprised my riding pants didn't rip because my knee was skinned. And now there is a huge lovely sore purple and yellow bruise on my left inner knee that is not looking like it is fading any time soon.

And yesterday I got kicked in my RIGHT knee twice by my 2000 pound horse who was trying to get a horse fly off his stomach when I was tightening his girth. I narrowly avoided being swatted by this hoof in my head too when he was dancing around trying to shake the bugs off. I didn't think it was that bad. It wasn't like my knee was shattered or anything, just tingly vibrations up and down my leg. Now almost a day later I can barely walk. Yesterday evening I just limped around my house and cushioned it thinking it would go away but the bruise is even bigger then before, even more purple, and my knee is even more swollen. Fuckkkkk. I have to go to work / ride again today. Hopefully if I ice it or wash it with warm water it will feel better before I have to leave at 1.

Well at least I have matching  painful knees.

Do you have any painful sport injury stories?

I thought I was over this infatuation of mine

Knowing that you are a fast train going nowhere

I was waiting in chains, counting down the time

Until I could escape whatever plagued me there

I’ve realized that you are poison to my skin

Toxic tastes taunting my tender tongue

You think you can stop it from seeping in

But in reality the transfomation has already begun

These fickle emotions are won't last

Flowers turning to ash right in front of me

I’m going to burn down our past

Till all that is left is smoldering memories

I’ve tasted pure freedom in its simplest forms

White clouds override all the impending storms

Don’t want to give up my newfound blue skies

Won’t trade it in for any glowing green eyes

I’m not ready for a round two to commence

I’ve put my weapons down in perfect surrender

I’m not willing to give you a second chance

My racing heart just lost its leading contender

I used to be all over you

And now I’m just over it

"The way we're living makes no sense
Take me back to the age of innocence
I wanna go back then

When pharmaceuticals weren't there to make life beautiful
When the way that we were born was more than suitable
When everybody thought they could make a difference
And you couldn't get your fix within an instance

I wanna get older, don't fight my age
Take me back to those simpler days
I wonder how it all happened"

- Do What You Do by Cute Is What We Aim For

Six months ago it was Christmas day. The year was 2007 and everyone had big hopes for 2008. New Years Resolutions were being planned out, people were determined to do important things, were eager to change themselves positively, move the mountains they made out of molehills in their lives.

Six months ago I had no badges at all. I had only known my writing lovesick muse for four months. I had more fun with this place. I had a smaller friend count and I liked it better. It was friendlier and I spent more positively of my time on here.

Six months my house phone in my kitchen hadn’t been smashed repeatedly against the tile floor until it cracked one night when I lost control. My room was cleaner and my life was less stressful. I weighed 5 pounds less and I cared about how I looked less.

Six months ago my father wasn’t sick. My mom wasn’t working herself to death. I hadn’t spent days waiting, just sitting and freaking out internally, in the intensive care area of a hospital. I hadn’t had the sterile smell composed of a mixture of purell and rubber drenched in my system for weeks, hadn’t been plagued by the haunting stench of it on my hands even after I washed them time again and again. Something in my brain hadn’t snapped.

Six months ago life was simpler. It is amazing how much someone can change in a mere six months. How drastically everything about them can be altered in only 500 days.

I am in love. Head over heels, butterfly filled love. Why do I feel like this? Because two days ago my Cute Is What We Aim For preorder CD arrived. I've been counting down the days to this CD so imagine my surprise and utter delight when I go out to get my mail and see a package from Florida addressed to me holding Rotation. Freaking estatic would be the word! I rushed in to pop the DVD portion of the case into my TV. I spent the next 60 minutes grinning like an idiot through the around a half an hour footage of the band talking about recording and life, laughing at the photos from the road, and smiling with bliss to the acoustic versions of songs of both records. Definitly a very good buy. :) I have found my all time favorite photo of Shaant. It is the last one in the photos section of the DVD/ I'm sure someone will spoil it and post it online in about *checks clock* 12 hours so you'll know what I'm talking about. This has been spinning in my CD on the road from Conn and back and during the day.

Some things I've noticed Shaant likes- left side (read his lyrics and his journals), "tried and true" (he must have said it 10 times at least on the DVD plus in his lyrics and blogs), weaving his head when he sings (all the time), Dave ("the glue holding the band together", bffs) :] Do you know how fucking cool it is to see tidbits from blogs from 2006 make it on the record? The title for Do What You Do is one of those things.

Some highlights of the DVD- The acoustic version of Navigate Me is FANTASTIC, "We have an obeo on this record! Isn't that cool!?", Shaant rapping during Hollywood, the "left side" thing almost coming full circle with Time, Daves all around eagerness to talk about the band / him grinning like a maniac when Shaant recounts the story of Dave puching the shit out of him in the recording booth for a take of Doctor because John (producer) wanted Shaant to get angry (I wonder if that made the final take ;]), Toms only dedication being "YOU", and finally, the TWO BONUS SONGS. Yes, we know we get one called Through To You. But there is an unmarked track 16 that is Shaant singing acoustically in his gorgeous voice. Pure heaven.

Practice Makes Perfect - The opening track of Rotation starts with Shaant softly crooning "So sweet I can hardly speak due to such trama in my teeth" and building into an intense chorus. The song is more mature then anything off of The Same Old Blood Rush With A New Touch and more filled in instrumently wise. It's like growing from a scruffy teenager to a man. There is very nice background vocals and electronics making PMP just all around lovely with Shaants smooth voice easing your way through it.

Doctor - Doctor builds from distant laughter that you only notice with the volume high into a pounding "This is it for me" repatition towards the end of the song. "I took the chemicals we used to make our chemistry, and I remixed it, It didn't fix it, All it did was make the memories a blur to me" proves that Shaant still has his witty tongue in cheek mind working his pen. This catchy song has a more tropical feel with a hint of Blood Rush in the way Shaant plays with the tones but only a drop. It progresses into something bigger then anything off the former CD.

Navigate Me - There is no other way to describe this song then gorgeous. Obviously it's a sexy song and I'm sure dozens of teenage girls will have their knees weaked when the instruments break away for a pause to leave Shaant desperatly crooning for a few beats. I'm just blown away by the range Shaant has developed and how he takes advantage of it throughout the whole record and this song. He uses many diverse tone patterns to keep everything interesting. The drums are a particular favorite in this one.

Loser - It's good to have a song like this on their record. As you listen to it you are reminded of why you like Cute in the first place. It has an electric buzz and an anthem like feel for a while there.

Do What You Do - There is a part in the beginning of the song that happens to be my favorite part of the record. It that goes, "There is an engine in my body, With every beat it helps me breathe, There is a machine within my body, If I can keep up with the machine that is in my body, I can do anything, be anything, see anything, I can feel the beat within my body, If I keep up with it can I catch myself?". When Shaant sings "breathe" I just let out a breathe I didn't know I've been holding. In that verse there are so many different ways he manipulates his voice with the solid support of Toms drums and Jeff and Daves strings. There are so many great lyrics in this song such as the ones I mentioned above. I also love the lines "How you ever been fake for the sake of saving face?" and "You can work, you can play from the cradle to the grave / Doens't matter what they say / You can move as you may from the cradle to the grave / Doesn't matter what they say" in which I particulariy enjoy how he sings "been" in a higher note rather then the obvious choice of "fake".

Hollywood - Shaant has mentioned that he likes and follows polictics in his blogs and this song is all about that. This just feels like something he enjoyed doing and experimenting with. It has a cocktail bar / jazz feel with trumpets and horns and strings and dips and echos. It's snazzy and snappy. You want to just spin around and groove to the song. And OHMYGOD Shaant has this little mini rap thing that I adore.

Safe Ride - In Daves own words, the opening line of "No one is harder on me then myself", is something that anyone can relate to. My own friend has has that line up for the past week as her aim awya message. This song seems to be about growing to me. He talks about realizing that he's not alone and that he doesn't have to live that way. My only slight worry is that the chorus to this and Doctor kind of song alike to me.

The Lock Down Denial - This rougher track has a more.. I don't want to say hiphop because it's not.. but a more stacco pattern through some of it.

Marriage To Millions - MTM is one of the only songs to start out with a guitar wailing. I think this song let the instruments speak.

Miss Sobriety - Miss Sobriety seems like a revamped sequel to Fourth Drink Instinct. "One mans trash is another mans treasure / One mans pain is another mans pleasure" is my favorite line with Dave's harmonies voice taking full control of the backup vocals and filling in the spaces that Shaant misses. That was a very smart and nice touch.

Time - I believe that this is what TSOBRWANT would sound like if Cute recorded it now with slower tempos. I say that and I think that but on the other side it feels like the bridge between Cutes first record and their second and it flawlessly tie them together. Shaant slips in the lyrics he is oh so famous for in his blogs which seems like his natural state. I love how he put in the "left side" line of "I've always thought your left was your strong side / But when it comes to you I can't decide".

Yes, I do miss how much simpler and rawer TSBRWANT because it's easier to move to and sing along to. The songs off that are more made for performing and having a dance party too. And it was perfect for who they were then. But Rotation was the next step for the band. Hell, I will always miss their first record because it was special and amazing. Because that was the CD and the blogs Shaant posted at that time were the things that inspiried about one sixth of my lyrics. And I might always prefer to fall asleep to the demo version of Teasing To Please over anything they ever create. (They ARE putting the demo of Lyrical Lies back up on their myspace once they stop streaming the new record, right? Eep, hopefully or I wil; have to mourn the fact that I didn't record it and then go scour websites for it.) Hell, I will always have a very special spot in my heart for that Teasing To Please. I'm probably going to get "strong" tattooed on the side of my left rib cage one day because of the whole Left Side, Strong Side thing.

They grew up since then and as they did so did their musical taste, what they wanted to do, and their aspirations. Shaant stepped away from the teen heartthrob way of singing and toned down the puns he is so famous for on the advice of a home time friend. Dave, a singer in his own right, was added to the mix of already talented musicians and I think he's here to stay as him and Shaant seem really close and he's been there from the very start to support Cute. The band opened up their doors to anything- from oboes to horns to whatever their hearts desired.

All in all this is a very interesting and ear appealing record that people should check out even if they didn't like the old Cute Is What We Aim For because they have grown up to produce a very diverse an interesting CD that will take you on an amazing ride from start to finish. And Shaant will be your "safe ride" through out the whole thing. ;]

I watch my life on a plasma screen TV in live time with the camera crew standing behind me, waiting for my next move. There is no empty air time, each second is filled. When I look into the foggy mirror I can see the black box with the blinking red eyes in the reflection, recording every moment. (It's stare is in my dreams.)

I see myself in everyone. I am the kid you saw playing in the sand box down near the empty swingsets (I have his laughter). The mailman driving past your door concentrated on getting home safely (I drive the same way). The drunk speeding down the street to blaring music as the yellow lines flash by (I am just as lost). The determined cop blaring my wailing siren through the prosession of cars (I want to save someone just as badly). The underfed salesman crossing the cracked pavement one last time (I am looking for same things in my life). The overworked lawyer stopping for a coffee that will stay cold and be forgetton on his desk (We both just wanted to get out of that office).  The devastated soldier picking up his gun one last time (We thought it was a good idea at the time). The crippled widow sitting in her chair waiting for something to happen (We both long to leave the window sil and fly away).

I see slivers of myself in all of them like the moon looks at the sun and knows he can shine just the same. Each of them unknowingly holds a peice to my 3D puzzle skin with each scar and the crisscrossing vein out lining the blood boundaries. Some bare it out in the open while others have it hidden in a crease somewhere. I need to reach out quietly and softly tear the extra fragment from their being and place it safely where it belongs in my bones to collect myself. They appeal to all my senses like a favorite scent does, drawing me in dangerously fast. I crave their perfume like an addict breaths smoke and my life is just as empty without them in it. Their actions beg to be scripted in my planbook of a brain- catagorized by what they do and alphabetized by their true name. My fingers twitch to steer their winding paths and give them a purpose in their otherwise pointless lives and to sharpen their clarity of the world.

I want to scream to them in high tones, to reassure them. "It will be okay. You're going to be fine. You just need someone to help you back on your feet. I will be happy to be the one taking your hand." I want to let everyone know that they deserve that. And that I can do that for them if they need me to. I know I could make a difference in their journey, that I would steer them away from the dead end and the pricker bushes if I just took . that . chance.

And yet, I let them go unchanged most of the time. The man with bags under his eyes and a tie hanging from his neck. The woman in red pushing the baby strollar. I let simply walk past me in a flurry even though my hands are clenched tight in my pockets. My nails dig semi circles into my palms but I don't reach out to them. I can feel them there so strongly and I know they are the ones. I can tell which have a hidden story waiting in their core and every fiber in my being screams for me to branch out. But I stop myself from looking into their eyes for fear that one day I might be looking at myself.

I am young and old. I am the eyes and ears of the pen and the paper. I am searching for the way to best share this feeling with the world, looking to exploit every tiny detail. I am trying to find the words.

I was tagged by Vanessa!

1. My Philosophy by Holiday Parade - This is one of my favorite songs I've heard in a while. Just read these lyrics!
"I get by making the best of what was mine / If you think this could be what you want / Then you just gotta try / You won't mind / Playing a victim of the time / 'Cuz I swear it's getting better yeah / That's my philosophy // It could be over in a moment / The curtain falls before you know it / Looking forward towards the next scene / If you take a trip through my mind / Who knows just what you'll find / Stop dead in your tracks from her eyes / Then put it all together / That's my philosophy // Remember the look upon her face / Remember the way she loved the chase / If we ever go back there someday / I'd never, ever, let her get away // It's drinking away the summer days / A moment in time we can't replace / I won't let my life go to waste / That's my philosophy"

 
2. Love Me Honestly by Brighten - This song is so sweet and lovely. I adore Brighten and this is a more cute song then the others. I'm excited for the new CD!
"Hold your breath, little lungs, The tide is holding us beneath
I am the sky and you are the sea, You are the one who colors me "

3. Practice Makes Perfect by Cute Is What We Aim For - This badn makes me feel like I am in love.

"So sweet I can hardly speaj due to such trama in my teeth"

4. Now That We're Done by The Metro Station - For some reason I just love this song! It's so fun!

5. Count Em 1, 2, 3 / Undressing The Words by The Maine - I can't decide which one I like better! Both are awesome and The Maine is just an all around amazing and happy band!

"With lust in my eyes I'll be undressing you with every word"

6. House Of Cards by Madina Lake - You'd think a song with these lyrics wouldn't make me happy but it does. I love the intense beat and patterns.

"It's late at night the worlds asleep / And I'm trying not to think / I take some pills cuz my mind bleeds /I'm thinking what is wrong with me / Because the only thing I know about honesty / Is every lie I told that you believed // Now I can't look you in your eyes / Because the guilt is killing me / I try disconnect my heart again/ Just so I can breathe / I wanna be myself again / But I just can't"

7. We've Got a Big Big Mess by The Academy Is... - Aiiaiiaiiaiiaiiiiiii! Need I say more?

"I've got that lefty curse, where everything I do is awkwardly reversed"

8. Truth & Reconciliation by This Providence - Dan Young is another lyrasist who I love and he has a completely lovely voice that is heaven to hear.

"Take me past the color of your eyes / Take me from the past of all my mistakes to where the future lies / I know that my moods were changing like the weather / Do you ever dream of us together? / Now I just want to show you who I am // Holding on to dreams we collide / We had our futures / Our reasons /Our fingers on the trigger
When we base our joy on the things that we see / We lose the trust in it all and the faith we believe"

I tag AnAmericanGod, AshDood, SaraxGee, HyperBallad13, PeterIsMyPlaymate, ChopStixFour11, MooseyReindeer, and whoever else wants to!

How do I, how do I put this feeling into sound?
My tongue gets all twisted when you are come around
Why can't I, why can't I find the perfect lines?
Something tells me these emotions are indescribable designs

How do I explain this feeling rushing through my veins?
It's different from anything I've experienced every before
I am ensnared in the everyday traits you possess that melt my heart
That careless smile you wield is such a dangerously simple lure

I think I just might be in over my head in this case
Oh, I might but I am taken in by the chase
I'll still keep trying, no I won't give up
Because I find satisfaction in the hunt

Like champagne waiting to explode, I shiver in delicious delight
I am ambushed by hundreds of particles every time you are near
They infiltrate my every pores and make my flushed skin shake
Tonight I use my wish upon a lucky shooting star for you to be here

How do I, how do I put this feeling into sound?
My tongue gets all twisted when you are come around
Why can't I, why can't I find the perfect lines?
Something tells me these emotions are indescribable designs

I wonder if I will ever find the perfect words to tell the world how I feel
I want to scream it out loud because this love is too important to conceal
I'll have to settle with the works written by others on the subject
I don't think there will ever be something to sum up something this perfect

I think I just might be in over my head in this case
Oh, I might but I am taken in by the chase
I'll still keep trying, no I won't give up
Because I find satisfaction in the hunt

How do I, how do I put this feeling into sound?
    (I wonder how do you, how you do the things you do)
My tongue gets all twisted when you are come around
    (I've never felt this strongly about anyone else, I swear it's true)
Why can't I, why can't I find the perfect lines?
    (I've never been in love with something real more then words before)
Something tells me these emotions are indescribable designs
    (And that fact suddenly makes me even more excited for what's in store)

So, I was invited by Eliza Cuts to be on her radio show which airs on on www.fearlessradio.com from 7-10 central time tomorrow, Tuesday the 17th of June. I guess she's having a show all about buzznet this week and she wants 'regular' people along with people such as Raquel Reed, HannaBeth, and Clint Catalyst to be on it. I believe her exact quote was "I want people on the show in all walks of e fame" when I told her I was flattered but didn't think of myself as 'e-famous'. I'm not sure who else on here was asked or if this isn't an odd thing at all so I hope I'm not coming off as rude to anyone. I'm just jittery and excited and kinda worried.

So apparently she would like me to call in to her show for a few minutes and chat with her! I'm kind of excited because it's not every day you get asked to do this and be interviewed quickly on a radio show! :] But I'm afraid I'm going to make a fool out of myself (which I probably will thanks to being flustered and nervous but oh well, live a little Savannah! :]).

Anyways, Eliza would like some ideas for questions so if you have anything you'd like to ask me it would be awesome if you could please leave them in the comments for me?

I'm only a teenager (which I don't think she realizes) so it's not like I have any 'projects' like a musical act or a new book or an upcoming clothing line to talk about so I'm afraid I'm going to be completely boring! EEK!

Ahh I'm nervous I'm going to fuck this up! Does anyone have any tips for me?

And any questions for her to ask me would be very good! Thank you darlings!

If you've ever gone to a concert with me, you probably know that I try to be as polite as possible to the people around me. "Why?" you may ask. Because I am a firm believer in a little something called pit karma. I believe that if I'm rude to some random girl at a concert, then the next time I'm at a show I'll get that attitude back times two. I don't know why I'm in this state of mind, but it's just something I do. Haha, a random quirk of mine. =)

Warped Tour is rolling around again this summer (June 20 is the first date) for its 14th run! Featuring bands such like Gym Class Heroes, We the Kings, The Color Fred, All Time Low and more.

With my little experience with concerts in the past years I've learned two simple things:

1. Girls can be cruel. You can laugh all you want, but I mean it. Suddenly the nice-looking lady next to you can transform into a mean, strong person who is rude and obnoxious when the "hawt" bandmembers come onstage.

2. People are selfish jerks sometimes and will do anything foul to get what they want.

These two facts have inspired me to create ...

Savannah's Guide to Pit Etiquette * 

If you're going to to be the pit, follow these rules of etiquette! ;)

*Please note this is created partly in jest. These things might annoy me but I am not trying to sound like a controlling, no fun, vain, "Everyone-should-do-follow-my-rules" b---h. Please be amused while reading this and reminisce about the past concerts you have gone to when you have experienced all these things firsthand. And please don't think I'm a jerk/loser/etc. for posting this please. As I said, this is partly in jest.

 Ok, without further ado, I give you...

Savannah's Guide to Pit Etiquette

1. Don't scream the lyrics when you can't carry a tune to save your life. We've all met these people. The obnoxious girl who belts out the words in a loud and very off-key voice, often drowning out the singer's voice. We didn't come here to here YOU sing, honey! We came to listen to the band play, so please tone it down and save the karaoke for the privacy of your bedroom. This happened to me at my Fall Out Boy concert, and I almost had a fit. The girl next to me was screaming (not even singing, but screaming!) out the words to a FOB song in a loud voice that sounded like a cat dying while being sucked up by a vacuum cleaner – right in my ear. It was not pleasant at all. And she was drowning out Patrick's voice, which is saying a lot considering that I was in the front row right near the amp. Please people who do this – don't. It is very annoying and uncomfortable for everyone around you.

2. Don't be a dreaded FANGIRL! Dun, dun, duuunnn! Now I'm not talking about people who are actually fans of the band. I'm talking about the girls who are here just because the guitarist/lead singer/bassist/drummer/*insert band position here* is, quote, "omgz so totally hawt!" These girls obviously don't know anything about the band but desperately NEED to be in the front. I encountered MANY of these girls at my All Time Low concert. The girls who deck themselves out in the slutty outfits and hope to be noticed by the bandmembers while they claw at the surrounding girls (a.k.a. the "competition"). They couldn't tell you a single song by the artist or hum a single tune but suddenly they are the bands BIGGEST fans and they just HAVE to be as close to the cutie they have their eye on or the world will end. And they didn't care who they trampled to get to them. One girl was literally trying to climb over me when All Time Low were playing. It's insane. Seriously, no one likes when people act like this and the bandmembers can see right through it.

3. Don't get there late and expect to get to the front row. C'mon people, this is just common courtesy! If you arrive at the venue five minutes before the band you like starts to play, don't assume that you deserve to be in the front row. The people in the front row have waited in line for hours to see this band, and you can't just storm in and expect everyone to move out of your way.

If you want to see a band that is across the venue at Warped and is playing five minutes after the band you are watching currently, chances are you will have to settle with a spot in the back or center and won't get to the barrier. That's not to say that you won't because some people manage to get to the front, but please don't be one of those hated people who are jerks and inconsiderate of everyone around them. Knocking small children down to get what you want is not very nice and some angry parent or older brother might come after you.

4. If you are a guy, don't try to crowd-surf at a concert when the crowd is 95 percent teenage girls. Yea, good luck with that happening, kid ... I don't get why 200-pound guys think they can be held up by the skinny, lightweight teenage girls in the crowd. I was amazed when this happened at my Boys Like Girls concert. Uhh ... hello? Obviously the 13-year-olds or the girls checking out Martin can't hold the 6' 9" guys up in the air. It's really hot out at Warped Tour most time, and no one wants to deal with a stinky, sticky guy over their heads. Trust me, it feels like you are suffocating and it is not pleasant at all.

5. Don't push the people in front of you when people are already smushed together. The people in front of you who are pushed up against the barrier can't go anywhere! There is no more room! Which means you pushing them does nothing but annoy them. Use common sense please. No space = nowhere for them to go = you being really annoying while you crush them. The heat makes peoples tempers show and you will get shoved back by some annoyed concert goer. You don't want to get into a fistfight or something as trivial and being an asshat to someone and being kicked out of the Warped venue by security. That's no fun for anyones.

6. If you don't like the band then don't stand in a prime spot for moshing/viewing the concert. This happened when I went to my This Providence concert at The Living Room, a very tiny venue. There were these four big girls standing in front of me with their coach purses hanging from their manicured hands and their arms folded snootily across their chest. They had no cameras, no excitement for the band, and obviously didn't like This Providence's music because they weren't even looking at the stage! They hadn't been there for any other band and just shoved in front of me and my friend. My friend, because she is pushy and I love her for it, managed to slip in front of them and not be stuck behind them – but, alas! I was not so lucky. Still, me and the guy next to me spent the night dancing and singing and snapping pictures together of the band together and rolled our eyes at the girls.

But if you don't like a band and are just waiting for them to leave the stage for the band after, ask someone who is a fan of the current music if they would like to go in front of you just for that set and then switch back after. Who knows? You could have just made their day 10 times better then it was!

7. Don't shove people for no reason. This happened to me at my TAI concert. There was this obnoxious girl who was pushing people for no reason at all besides for fun. She wasn't trying get ahead in the pit or anything, she was just being a jerk. After she knocked into my shy friend a few times repeatedly, I swung around, pissed off because she was disrupting the concert, and politely told her to please stop acting like that because she was hitting my friend, accompanied with an "if-you-don't-stop-I-will-make-you-stop glare." She just looked at me and replied in a snotty voice, "It's a f---ing rock concert, people are supposed to f---ing do this." Well, apparently the pit guard didn't agree with her, because he came over and gave her an earful and threatened to throw her and her friends out if they kept up their antics.

People are exhausted by the heat and the 12-hour day and they don't want to have to put up with your obnoxious tendencies. It is rude and annoying and pointless. Basically just write "I am a jerk" on your face in permanent marker if you're going to do this.

So when you are at Warped Tour and go to do one of these things, think twice, and think about how you would feel if someone did it to you. Don't ruin what could be an amazing day. :)

xo Savannah

Today was no good.

I stayed up till 1 am finishing portfolio stuff for school then I had an english exam this morning. It's only 20 percent of my FINAL YEAR GRADE. So you know, no big deal. Except it's a huge deal. So I go and take it and do fine I think and I'm not worried. Then I go home to study and on the ride home my friend and her mom get into this blow out argument in the front seat and I'm sitting in the back wishing I could disappears. Finally I'm out of the car and off to study for the two exams I have tomorrow. I turn on the TV because I've home alone, yet again, and I'm lonely.  I need noise to distract me and to trick my mind into thinking someone else is there. The commercial I saw when I came home blared something about unattractive body fat that got to me. It's so hot here I want to throw myself in the bay. But I'm inside studying for my science and french exams that are tomorrow.

I almost started crying today because when I went to play my old school All Time Low (The Party Scene and Three Words To Remember) my itunes said it could not be found. I got it off send space because someone I used to talk to on buzznet sent it to me. Me being cranky already from the heat I went  through a thousand messages trying to find the message where she sent it to me. NOT THERE. So now I'm kinda freaking out because those are some of my favorite songs. So I go to my favorite links and spend a half an hour at least sifting through them because I know I saved the link to download them and

I printed, edited, and made some of my writings into a scrapbook for my moms present. Then I made a fake concert ticket with stuff like "Savannah Productions Presents", "whatever time is good", "Featuring Mom's favorite bands", and stuff like that. So whenever her favorite band she likes comes close to us we'll go. Anyways I feel calmer now. Tomorrow after school my friend and I might make her a lemon merigne pie because that's her favorite desert. :) We'll probably go out to eat or go see a movie or something like that.

Now I'm watching Gossip Girl  reruns on the floor of my living room in shorts and a bathing suit top with all my windows open because it is so freaking hot over here. I wish I could have gone to the beach today but I had to stay in and study for finals, which are next week. Tomorrow is my last real day of school for the year. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday are my finals. Eek, I'm really nervous for them!

The girl who plays Serena definitly should have been casted as Rosalie in Twilight. She's way more pretty and a more natural blond. And a better actress. The girl who ended up playing Rosalie isn't a real blond so her hair looks weird.

I've seen a lot of good movies this weekend that I found randomly on TV- October Sky, Coyote Ugly, National Treasure (which I had already seen but love :]).

I can't belive it's already Sunday night. Where did the weekend go? I feel like I did nothing because I hardly left the house since I was studying. Erugh it's so hot; I feel like I'm suffocating. Mom's picking up a pizza because it's too humid to even think about cooking. Or moving for that matter. I swear, it hit 95 today. Summer is going to be sweltering.

So what did everyone else do today?

...and she told me she wants to read my poems and writings. So I'm making some of them into a book, editing them to make them 'appropriate' for my moms eyes, and adding some photos. I'm really worried that she will a) Think I'm a bad writer, b) Think I'm insane and needs to be put in a mental ward, or c) Think they are about situations they are not about. I'm just really nervous about how she will react to them. I mean, buzznet is where I get my feedback and everything and now my mom wants to see them! EURGH. The only reason I'm even thinking about doing this for her is because it's her birthday and she asked specifically for them. And that's the reason I'm so worried!

Basically I am insanely nervous. It's TOMORROW. And it's not like I can go out and buy a gift without using her car and that would be suspicious. What would I buy her anyways!? I'm awful with timing and leave everything to the last minute.

So basically this is a freak out journal and me asking you for gift ideas for my mom. I wanted to order her something from an online webstore that she would love but I don't know what! Or concert tickets but none of her favorite bands are on tour!

So please HELP if you have any ideas :)

Today is special
Because the brilliant man
Known as Pete was born

Peter Wentz the Third
Came into the world June 5th
Many years ago

He has some siblings
A sister, and brother too
Lived with Mom and Dad

He grew up in the
place called Chicago in the
state of Illinois

They spent their time well
Jumping off roofs together
Getting in trouble

Soon Pete met some boys
Their names are engraved in time
Patrick, Joe, Andy

Wanting to make sound,
They 'band'ed together to form
the act, Fall Out Boy

Many years passed by
CD's were put out in stores
Records with passion

The music sold well
Each song filled with great lyrics
Written by Peter

Right now Fall Out Boy
Is a huge band in 'the scene'
They have many fans

You are amazing
Talented in many ways
You make the girls scream

You leave me speechless
Every once in a while,
Your antics are fun

You do many things
Record label, clothing line,
Band, blog, TV show

Now you are a dad
Or at least you will be soon
In a few more months

You were just married
To a very lovely girl
Her name is Ashlee

The wedding was fast
Decorated black and red
Alice everywhere

What will you do next?
No one can answer that true
Only time will tell

You're very cool
Now all I have to say is...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE!

 [This is a repost from November for my new friends who might not have read this.]

Dear You,

            I think I’m falling in love with you. But I don’t know if I can handle this anymore. It’s been weeks since I have gotten a good night’s sleep. My dreams are plagued with visions of you and I together. I can’t stand this yearning in my crippled heart. It hurts to breathe when you walk into a room, it pains me to see you near me and not be able to touch that smooth porcelain skin and brush back your silky russet bangs. I would give almost anything to trace a finger down your pale skin, to trace hearts on your lovely legs, to see how your soft lips would feel against mine, to breathe your air- just to make sure that you really are alive. I want to put my head to your heart and just listen for that pulsing beat. I want to feel it speed up when I’m near- to know that I drive you just as crazy as you drive me. (If that’s even possible). To match my breaths with that pattern so we live as one. I inhale your scent like a favorite perfume. I think I just might need you to survive.

My problem is that I feel too deeply. I fall in love too hard and too fast and don’t look back. I don’t ponder over why I like a person or steadily gain my adoration for someone. The second I see them I am entranced. Every move is viewed as a clue, another piece in the puzzle of between me and you. Everything affects me in some way. My moods swing with each rotation of my mind. They dance from high to low and at any given moment. You drive me insane but you are what causes me to hang on to that last dangling string that connects my heart to mind. I wouldn’t – couldn’t – change any aspect of you. I love your hair and your beautiful eyes. Your rough voice makes my nerves explode like firecrackers. I savor every tingly feeling and moment when you are near me. I love everything about you, from the way you walk to how your clothes drape on your body. Every time I am near you my brain races and my heart sings. You make me feel alive.

            I think I just might need you to survive. You make me feel alive.

                                                                         From,

                                                                                   A Girl Hopelessly In Love With You

I swear to God that when I was reading my July issue of Alternative Press that came in the mail yesterday All Time Low was everywhere (which was driving me a little crazy...). So me being to dork I am I decided to count and make a bet with me mom. I said that they were in there at least 10 times. Let's see if I'm right!

     1. page 24 Incoming Mail - There's a huge picture and a nice little letter from someone named Kiera from Canada about screaming in a mall over All Time Low. One down and not even 25 pages in!

     2. page 34 Rocks Like - Ok this is kinda cheating but apparently Josephine Collective rocks like All Time Low (they do, check em out). [I won't do anymore more rocks like.]

     3. page 39 Hopeless Records Ad - Woah WHAT, not even 10 pages later and another huge half page photo of the boys? (Rian, you're looking a little blurry sweetie.)

     4. page 62 Recommends 4 More - 'Touring with bands such as MxPx and All Time Low" [I won't do anymore name drops from articles.]

     5. page 70 and 71 This Is How We Do - HOLY SHIT TWO PAGES OF AP TOURNESS! :D

     6. page 146 Warped Tour Ad - Self explanatory

     7. page 166 Readers Chart - They've been on that chart for like 30 weeks now. Number 2 baby.

     8. page 158 AP Podcast - The bands from the AP tour do one and happen to feature ATL.

     9. page 172 AP Merch Booth - You have a chance to buy the magazine where the ATL boys were on the cover. What a steal man, what a steal!

     10. page 175 Keep A Breast Ad - We all know All Time Low loves boobies. Luckily it was their love for them that got me to my number 10 different things mentioning All Time Low! :)

     11. EDIT: I flipped the magazine over and noticed there is a full page ad for All Time Low by Hurley

PS - AP HAVE YOU GONE DEAF?! CUTE IS WHAT WE AIM FOR SOUNDS NOTHING LIKE PARAMORE! THEY DO NOT AND NEVER WILL "ROCK LIKE" PARAMORE! >:(

pps- You're such a freaking hypocrite AP. Last issue you were all "Alesana is the worst music ever don't buy their new CD" and now on page FIVE you have a full page ad for them. HYPOCRITES!

I'm the kind of person who, without written guidelines, will not do anything. So I, Savannah, am writing my list of goals to accomplish by the end of summer. These things WILL be accomplished whether my sorry ass likes it or not! ;)

     1) Weight - Lose 5 pounds then if I get there 10 pounds (Year goal is 15)

      I am seriously unhappy with my weight. I'm "healthy" (I weigh 120 pounds and I'm about 5'5 but I hate feeling like I have extra weight on me. m used to being slender and I have been up to 3 years ago when I started slowly gaining all this extra weight as I grew (Like 5 pounds a year). Some people my height can weigh more than that and still look gorgeous but it looks so awkward on me. And it bums me out man! I don't even care if I loose 10 pounds, I just want muscle instead of flab.

     2) Running - Be able to comfortably run 4 miles with music and 2 without

     I can already run about 1 miles with my ipod but getting up to 5 miles by the end of the summer would be amazing. I say at least 2 miles without because it's so much easier to run with music then without for me.

So to accomplish these goals I will...

     - Run a mile everyday then work my way up, adding distance weekly or as soon as I am comfortable until I reach my goal

     - Stretches and exercises that I can do daily at home (100 jumping jacks, 50 crunches, 5 push ups, etc) working my way up each week as I add more and get more comfortable with it.

     - Keep a food journal of what I eat every day so I can realize what goes into my mouth! And eat healthier.

***

I also need to get my hair styled some how because my hair is straight and blah. I kinda want bangs that are long enough to be pinned back and short enough to look like bangs if that's even possible. I've been trying to find a photograph of what I want but I can't really find something perfect yet. But getting my hair cut asap would make me a very happy camper.

1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. Do you have a crush on me?

5. Would you kiss me?

6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

7. Describe me in one word.

8. What was your first impression?

9. Do you still think that way about me now?

10. What reminds you of me?

11. If you could give me anything what would it be?

12. How well do you know me?

13. When's the last time you saw me?

14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

15. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?

***

Tell me if you posted this and I didn't fill it out yet and I'll run to do it. :)

Would you treat someone differently because they are dying soon? Or they have a fatal illness or are in critical condition?

Why?

Why? Why? WHY? Everyone should be treated like that all the time. With kindness or special attention. It's stupid that you should change your opinion of someone because they might be gone soon. Is it your guilt? "I should have treated them nicer" Those people make me sick. How dare they try to make up years of mistreatment because their time to feel better about themselves and be nice to someone they were awful too is closing quickly.

That being said if someone who will be hospitalized and put in a nursing home for life is a person you dislike a lot for what they have done to you in the past, what are you supposed to do? I just said you shouldn't change because someone is dying / crippled mentally or physically. But the guilt has the power to eat you up.

I'm the kind of person who if I don't like you I will basically ignore you. If you are not my friend, have admirable traits, or are a jerk then I do not want you in my life. I do not want anything negative that is unnecessary in my life. So I eliminate them because they are useless to me.

Someone desperately needing you but you not wanting them at all is insanely awkward. I choose to ignore it and pretend they don't exist because in my world they do not.

My mom is the opposite in this particular situation. She believes my father has "changed" because of his stroke and everything. She doesn't see that he is exactly the same. He is an awful person and at the core he will always be one. Even though he basically can't do anything himself he never says please or thank and complains about everything. He demands things when my mom is working her fingers to the bone and herself to death to cover the costs and to visit him for two hours everyday. And still he has the gaul to sit there and whine. Get the fuck over yourself.

I hardly ever go see him now that the doctors say he is not dying anymore. I had only gone because my mom made me go but now I'm sick of it. How dare he tie my mom down when she deserves to fly free?

My parents have arranged to get a divorce for years. They didn't sign the papers because my father was working on my moms dads property in North Carolina because he is a constructor and was turning the land into a neighborhood. My mom thought my father would cheat my grandpa out of money if they got divorced before the land settled.

The land settled in December 2007. My father came back in December for Christmas with his family in Connecticut. Then he was diagnosed with his brain disease and this train wreck ensued. Obviously, they couldn't sign the divorce papers when he was in a coma like state.

He is so fucking needy. It's pathetic and my mom is stumbling to try to fix something she didn't break. He was awful to her when they were married and she has wanted out of their marriage for years. She was so happy after she made that decision to be divorced! She had her life planned. She was going to be free.

But this hospital thing is freaking ridiculous. She is going to be stuck dealing and taking care of him until he dies from the chemo he's on, which could be decades. Why does she need to be there for him when he ruined her?

I loathe my father and probably always will. I dislike him even more now that he is doing this to my mom. He calls her when she works late (She works two jobs!) and makes her stay for at least an hour every night when she sees him.

I myself will go to college without a second glance at him and move on with my life. Because that is how I deal with people who I don't like. My mom is being sucked in. Slowly her dreams are dying and it is killing me. She feels hopeless. When I can escape to college she is trapped here alone with him.

He has a rich father, an unmarried aunt who is a million, another aunt and brother who have no other children. Where the hell are they?! My mom will be divorced to my father, not even blood related, and forced to care for him because there is no one else who will step up.

It's pathetic- the whole lot of my fathers family make me sick. I want to scream at them, I want to hurt them, I want to tell they how they are awful people. I want to show them how they have crushed a beautiful spirit with their selfishness and haughty aloofness. I want to make them suffer for hurting my mom this way. I want their blood shed for the years lost off her life.

They have the extra money to care for him! They have endless time because they don't have jobs and they have no children! They have the reasons to do it because they are blood related!

I hate them so much that if there was a dark alley and no punishment I would take the chance. I would watch them cry and then walk away from their pathetic slumped figures sniffling and clawing at their hundred dollar jewelry. I hate them as much as I love my mom.

One day I will steal away my broken bird with the beautiful soul and set her free. Mark my words, I will find a way. I don't care who gets in between her sky and me because I will take them down without a second thought. I will tear them to shreds as I throw her into the clouds. She deserves it.