When all is said and done, what do you wish you had said and done?

H A P P Y   H A L L O W E E N   B U Z Z N E T !

I don't know about you guys but Halloween totally snuck up on me this year! I just got a pumpkin today and I still have to decorate for the trick or treaters. Luckily, I remmbered to buy candy or I would have some really mad 10 year olds on my hands. XD

What's everyone being and doing for Halloween? Be sure to post pictures of your costumes if they are good! XD

xo Savannah

I'm not having the best day.

It all started last night at 6:37 when all of a sudden my power went out in my house. The electricity was gone in my whole entire neighborhood. Concidering that its winter, the sun sets early so I'm sitting there in the pitch black in my living room waiting for my mom to find some matches and candles because she was in the kitchen when the power went out. The worst thoughts are going through my mind. Someone cut our power lines, there was some creep in my house who wanted to kill us, this was twisted scheme designed by robbers. (This was before we found out that all the electricity in the area was out). Crazy things that you only think when you are freaked out crossed my mind.

Fast forward 12 hours. After managing to finish my homework by candlelight I realize that OH JOY, no power = no shower. son of a... ok whatever I'll deal with that. But the wonders of no power also means no heat. Its cold here in rhode island. Cold enough to wear sweat pants and a sweatshirt to bed at least if you have heat. But without electricity my house was the same tempature as outside aka shivering cold. I dragged out tons of blankets and piled them on the coach and fell asleep.

Fast forward to morning. The powers still not back on yet. If anyone has ever tried this I'm sure they can vouch for the fact that picking out clothes, getting dressed, brushing your teeth, putting makeup on, and eating by candlelight is hard. I hold my candle and pick through my clothes before deciding what the hell I'll just throw on a tank top and my TAI sweater even though its huge and not very flattering on me. It's a friday and theres nothing important to look nice for today, right?

Oh Savannah, when are you going to learn to not listen to that little voice that says everything is going to be okay? You, my friend, were WAY WRONG.

Because ladies and gents today was ACTIVITY PICTURE DAY for the yearbook. After arriving to school late because I missed my freakin bus due to stupid busdrivers (a kid with a backpack sprinting after your bus means THEY WANT TO GET ON!). [ Ok short explanation. My mom drives me to my bus stop as the last kid is getting on. I dash out of my car and run after the bus. As I approach the lady slams the door shuts and pulls away. I'm literally running next to the bus and she doesnt stop. ?!?!!?!?why! why wouldnt you stop if you see a kid running next to your bus!?!?!? ]

Anyways back to activity picture day. Of course the night my power goes out is the day before we have to get our pictures taken for the yearbook. FUCK. I literally got dressed in the dark this morning! I'm surprised I didn't poke my eye out while I was doing my makeup! I'm wearing a baggy black hoodie and my hair is just down, simple and comfry but its not a good look to be rememered by. Plus I'm in numerous activities (mock trial, executive committee because I'm vice president of my class, etc. I'm a dork XD so sue me :] ) so I get to have my picture taken more than just once. grr...

After hiding behind some of my friends and managing NOT to be in the front row for the shots, I go back to class with my friend to find that while we were gone for the whole period out teacher was reviewing for a big math problem that is due on monday. She was going over what we had to do and the criteria and how we were being grades and everything. fuck.

Fast forward to lunch. I have it with my good friend, lets call him Rob. Well Rob is recently began hanging out with this girl he likes, lets call her Nina. So Rob ditches me for Nina and sits with her. THANK YOU ASSHOLE. Luckily I find a group of my friends and sit with them but still, wtf kid- thanks for ditching me. I've only been your friend since first grade. ugh.

Fast forward to between second to last and last period of the day. I have to pick up a ceiling tile from my french room to paint for extra credit. Yes, a ceiling tile. A 4 foot by 2 foot peice of wood/foam/whatever that makes up our school ceiling. I clamour ontop of a desk and have to actually get the ceiling tile down because my teacher didnt do that even though she said she would. As I'm getting it down her next period class starts to file in and, of course, they are all sopomores. fuck, this is embarrassing. I yank the tile down, hop off my chair, and dash off to gym where I get odd looks from a few people for carrying around a ceiling tile. I wanted to shout, "YES ITS A FUCKING CEILING TILE. GET THE FUCK OVER IT" but I refrained from doing so and merely walked on.

Fast forward to after me being late for my riding lesson and having to deal with a bitchy barn worker because apparently, because shes only worked there for a WEEK she knows more about MY horse than I do. THANK YOU ASSHOLE but I've been riding for years now and I've been going to this barn wayyy longer than you have jerk. I think I know how to handle MY horse.

So the final, major bad thing that was the cherry on my ice cream sundea of doom. I realized that my schools homecoming and my fob concert are on the same day. This might not seem like a big deal to you but I've been wanting to go to this concert for months and I bought tickets literally the minute they came out. And homecoming is a pretty big event at my school and I am really excited for it. And I might be taking my guy friend from another school. so I have no clue what to do!

So if anyone needs tickets to the the FOB date in massachusetts I might be selling 2 tickets. Or if someone wants to trade two tickets for another date near rhode island like the conn one I would SO appreciate it. MAJORLY.

So thanks for listening to me whine and bitch and moan about my day. =) I feel a little better about it. a little.

xo Savannah

I am so messed up right now. Even as I type this my hands are shaking and my heart is pounding. I feel sick. If you read this whole post I just might fall in love you. It's not like you will be the first one I have fallen for, do you see my skinned knees and bloody hands darling? They bleed for you. Or the only one for that matter. oh by the way darling (can I call you that? because I would love to call you that.) Am I the only one who thinks you, the one always on my mind, are beautiful? Am I the first? Am I the only? How do you feel? Do you feel beautiful? Because I think everything about you is beautiful. Just give me an hour of your time and I can make you feel the same way as I feel about you. But then again I am lovesick and these words stick. The roof of my mouth is crowded with things I have thought again and again but never spoken. Thats why I s-s-s-stutter over my words sometimes. I need to make sure I don't let something slip. Because that would be a castatrophe and everyone knows how I deal with embarrassment.

I need answers. I need questions. I need a voice. I need a pen. I need my mind back. I can't stand this. I don't know what 'this' is but I need to get away from 'it'. I feel like I am being restrained, being pressured, being suffocated. I can't breath. A week ago I woke up in the middle of the night, choking and not breathing. Choking on what you ask? I don't know. Maybe all these words that are bubbling to the tip of my tounge, only to be swallowed again?

My dreams have become crazed. In them I am where I want to be but I can't see around me. And you are there and you love me the same way I love you. (can you explain to me the way I love you again? I must have told you millions of times in my mind. Just say those little words, acknowledge me. please, I am drowing in a sea of my own doing and baby you know I can't swim. Toss me a lifeline. I am pathetic and I know it and I hate it.) I can't stand this. I'm throwing items around my house, breaking pencils and tossing clothes, and throwing ideas around the constraints of my brain. Words, verbs, nouns are rebounding around my skull and then flowing out of my mind, passing my heart, and cascading down through my arm, only to crash to a jerking halt in my wrist. They sit there and pile up. Soon they will back up so far up my arm and my heart that they reach my vocal cords and something will snap and I will let them spill out of my mouth. Frusterated, I'm filled with all these ideas and thoughts and yet I can't really explain them- to anyone, even myself. I feel heavy and weighed down. I'm trying desperatly to get it on paper, to try to make sense of my thoughts. Feelings rush past me like a cool winter wind and swirl around my feet, twirling leaves and debries and crumpled bits of paper and lovesick thoughts around in my own mini tornado. It penatrates through my skin and enters my blood stream with an icy blast. It numbs me to my core- my bones are brittle. Desires brush against my skin like a lovers kiss and I shiver deliciously at the touch.

One second I know whats going on and how I feel, the next scond I do a complete 180 and I have a totally different point of view. Writing it on paper, telling you, just means admitting it to myself.

And I don't know if I am ready for that. I can't admit these truths to myself. So I ignore them while blantenly putting up away messages with their name written in between the lines. Its so obvious, can you see it? My thoughts, my days, my time, my actions- everything revolves around that one person I can't get out of my mind.

I know I must be insane. I'm having out of body experiences. Headaches add to my confusion. Off limit thoughts of me and you rack my body and I flinch my head away, trying to break off my train of thoughts before I become engrossed. You are already all I think about and now you haunt my dreams. You control my life and you dont even realize it.

I see you standing there, do you see me sitting here? I've been listening to love songs on repeat for days and days. I am so confused right now. I keep on blurring the lines of my mind and reality together. I know how people act in real life but in my head I imagine them as I want them to be and thats how I think of them. The way I lust over them. The way I spend my days dreaming of them. I know in real life that they are different but I can't help but adore the vision I've created. And my version is so much better than the real life one. The flesh and blood one hurts to think about. Do you even know my last name? I want you. I want to be you. Then I can be around you all the time. I can see the way your skin feels, if your hands are really as soft as they look, if your thoughts match mine. Sometimes I see you glance my way. Or at least I think I do. Maybe it's just my overactive imagination, spurred on my hope and driven by desire. I know some people dont like you, people including some of my friends, but your voice drives me crazy with delight. I can pick out your laugh in a crowd of people and my ears prick up when I hear your voice. It means you are near and that makes me shiver with anticipation. I have always loved the name                      . Is it just a coincidence that that is your name? Or is it fate?

Doctor, doctor fix me up right now. My mind cannot control its self at times. Frankly I think you are so much more. Brighten's "Mr. Mister" means so much to me right now. And so does the Dangerous Summer's "Of Confidence". Oh God, my mind is such a mess but theres these things I got to do. Yellowcard has always been there for me. If I bite my tongue it bleeds. I can't see. It leaves us wondering. Are you wondering?

If you have read all of this, thank you. If you understood it... well I doubt anyone will make sense of my jumbled thougths and tooclosetogethertwistedfeelings. But I thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time to read this. And if no one reads this, at least I feel better because I managed to spill a little of myself on paper. The shaking has dimmed and the twisting of my mind has stopped for a few turns- at least for now. I dont't need your approval but I would love to have it.

This is only the beginning. I can promise you that.

btw- my title "fiction or fricton" is from the amazing mind of Shaant. Unpublished but he still composed those words and I want to give him the full credit he deserves. He really did sum it up this whole feeling best when he wrote-

if you would be so kind..i will be needing a femmé...
standing 5'3" ...right in front of me..ok ok, orrr... under the tree
she'll need brown eyes and a bright smile.
dark hair, olive skin.
(do you think i am asking too much of him?)
her laugh will need to be something i wont forget
even 882.5 days after hearing it...
she needs to trust and be willing to sneak around
ya know... 'fence dates' and randoms nights of skipping town.
her inerests need to peak mine..
and she can't match all the time
i want thoughts and kisses
i want her to bend her back and tell me what to do.
and most of all
i want to be able and look back on this
and realize that i can be cliché sappy...as long as i was happy.

I LOVE the way he writes. He is the definition of amazing in my eyes. I adore him. If I could write half as well as him I would be content. His writing is so freaking amazingamazingamazingamazing.

xo Savannah

YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !YES !

Thats really I can say about that news. I am super excited and I CANNOT wait! To make it like 10 times better I'm seeing the Sleeping For Giansts tour on MY BIRTHDAY!

YAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

link to their myspace where you can listen to tracks off their new CD and read their blog about the tour and more - www.myspace.com/cobrastarship

xo Savannah

"I came here to make you dance tonight, I don't care about my guilty pleasure for you"

Heres the link to it - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVs8OxAmZYw. Buzznet won't let me load it so I made a journal about it. I love the song personally.

This is what was in the This Providence bulletin where they sent out the video-

" Here's a new song we will be playing on our upcoming tour with Daphne Loves Derby. You need to sing along. This is a recording from our recent seattle show where we tried it out!

I couldn't stand to be in that place
I was just about to leave, when I saw your face
You were laughing at me with your beautiful mouth
You said, 'You're looking miserable, do you want to get out?'

'That party was empty.'
You said, and I agreed
A whole house full of people
But empty indeed
So we took to the beach in my rusty 510
Falling in love
We just didn't know it then

When you're only 18
And you got nothing to lose
And your living a dream
With the sand in your shoes
Falling in love is easy
It's easy to do

We fell in love with the windows rolled down
Chasing the sunset through another empty town
Your hair was a mess when you would dance on the coast
Your sillouette, like some heavenly ghost

When you're only 18
And you got nothing to lose
And your living a dream
With the sand in your shoes
Falling in love is easy
It's easy to do

Summer skies and warm colored sunsets
And a sunrise sneaking through my blinds
My demise, I just can't help it
It's suicide, looking in your pale blue eyes

Falling in love is easy to do
With the wind in your hair and the sand in your shoes
And though it may hurt to have your heart broken in two
That didn't stop me from falling for you

When you're dancing on the beach where the water meets your feet
And a cool ocean breeze is fighting the heat
Falling in love is easy
It's easy to do
It's easy to do
Oh I'm falling for you "

I personally really like the new song!

xo Savannah aka TryingToFindTheWords

My profile is now pink because October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I borrowed this idea from the lovely Sarah. Go read her journal entry on this subject - http://hyperballad13.buzznet.com/user/journal/1139101/breast-cancer-awareness/.

Some Breast Cancer Facts

- Breast cancer is the most common cancer among American women, except for skin cancers.

- The chance of developing invasive breast cancer at some time in a woman's life is about 1 in 8 (12%).

- It is estimated that in 2007 about 178,480 new cases of invasive breast cancer will be diagnosed among women in the United States.

- Women living in North America have the highest rate of breast cancer in the world.

- At this time there are about 2.5 million breast cancer survivors in the United States.

- Breast cancer is the second leading cause of cancer death in women, exceeded only by lung cancer.

- In 2007, about 40,460 women will die from breast cancer in the United States.

- Death rates from breast cancer have been declining since about 1990, with larger decreases in women younger than 50. These decreases are believed to be the result of earlier detection through screening and increased awareness, as well as improved treatment.

-

xo Savannah aka TryingToFindTheWords

The bands name is Five Second Rule and you can listen to them at www.myspace.com/5secondrulerocks. I already have all my boring 'where did you come from', 'why did you start the band', etc. questions that I have to ask for my article so any fun or random questions would be great for the video they are doing for buzznet! =)

So submit any questions, comments, etc here > http://www.buzznet.com/groups/sharethemusicallove/forum/topics/146931/band-interview-questions/ < or leave them in the comments! =)

Thanks guys!

All right nevermind. Caps are obnoxious when over used. =)

So the reason for my excitment is because I write a music column for my high shcool newspaper and I've just started to message bands to see if they would like to be interviewed and a local band (The Invite) whom I really wanted to talk to messaged me back and said they would answer a few questions. I AM SO SUPER STOKED!

So I have most of my questions already planned out but if anyone has any ideas on questions to ask, I would really appreciate any comments. This is my first interview so I'm kinda nervous.

xo Savannah 

the new This Providence music video for My Beautiful Rescue? I think its adorable. Go watch it here > http://www.fbrplus.com/?v=2-1231022150-1231019651 < and listen to This Providence (an awesome band) here > www.myspace.com/thisprovidence.

xo Savannah

I really really dont mean to sound like a bitch but due to the fact that I've caught people taking and reposting the pictures I've taken without my permission all my photo galleries are on private now. I did ask people NOT to take them or repost them or anything but like I said, I've caught a few people reposting pictures and either taking credit or not crediting me. I really hate to do this because I dont want to sound like a bitch but I worked hard to get those photos! I paid money to go to concerts and worked for get those shots, no matter how bad they are. So if you do want to see pictures (ugh I feel like SUCH A BITCH doing this but I need to because I feel kinda insulted that people are so blantenly doing this when I asked them not to!) just tell me and I'll give you a password or something. It's too late at night and I have too much shit going on right now to figure it out but I will soon once I get everything figured out.

Thanks and please dont think I'm being evil by doing this. People are taking my pictures when I asked them not to in every gallery and on some pictures! It really bugs me that people would do that! Especially when I've asked them numerous times not to!

*sighs* sorry...

xo Savannah aka TryingToFindTheWords